YES .. I’m an only child … so sue my PARENTS

Excuse me while I rant.

It should always be remembered that only children are only children because their parents made that choice for one reason or the other. I don’t ever remember at any point in my life my mom or dad coming to me and asking if I had an opinion on whether or not they should bring another child in to the world. It just kind of worked out the way it did and so here I am 30 yrs old, and yes I have traits that SCREAM only child. I am however over the stereo typing. I have goggled only child more than once and some of the things said all over the net are sad. Not all only children fit in a box. Lord knows I’ve been screaming that a lot lately at the new job.

I actually heard this week that I might not make a good mother because of the fact the world must revolve around me. WTF? There are a few facts about only children when it comes to love, and relationships.

In my opinion I need to be with a giver, and in most cases the compatibility usually is with someone who isn’t an only child. I also find myself far more compatible with someone who is older than me as well. I have no idea if that is because I’m an only child, but I’m sure there is someone out there that would be willing to psycho analyzes it. For me personally dating an only child didn’t work but I’m sure that is not a hard fast rule just the way it happened for me. 

Am I am ok with needing to be with someone willing to give and bend? Yes I am but it is a tight rope walk in the fact that I also need someone willing to call me out on my actions. This isn’t a secret and any man I’ve ever dated has been told this exact thing. I don’t hide behind being an only child as an excuse for my actions. I can be selfish, I am needy, and I will throw out my bottom lip if I think it will get me something I really want. I don’t really care if I ever out grow all of those things, because a lot of times they are more out of fun than anything else. Although, there is no denying that some of it is pure emotion and in those cases I work very quickly to put myself back in check. 

 There is however no blue print of what I will be like as a wife, let a lone a mother but there is no denying that how I was brought up will come into play. That is also to say there is not a blue print for how someone else who had siblings will turn out either. What I’d really like people see however is that I am kind, generous, and overall a good person and that will also lend itself to my role as a wife or mother? In the end when it comes to me and being an only child it doesn’t really have to be all about me and my world, sometimes I just need to feel like it is.

Comments

[The Stiletto Mom]

Wow. I am an only child too. And I can identify with so many of the emotions you have expressed. Rest assured, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am married (for 15 years) to the oldest of three. He calls me out on everything and our fights are LEGENDARY. But...it took getting through a bunch of men I could run over to find him. Keep the faith friend, and remember...even if in our hearts believe it isn't all about us...it really is. You can be nice and somewhat self centered at the same time, you just have to find the very fragile balance. Sounds like you are well on the road. :)

PS...thank you so very much for linking my blog!!!

[Spoiled Sometimes]

That might be the nicest thing I've heard in a long time on the subject. Thank you. Also, I do enjoy reading your blog :)

[Depressed]

Being an only child sucks. My parents divorced when I was 5 years old on account of my mom's schizophrenia. A long court battle followed during which time i was forced to live with her all by myself. She abused me bot physically and mentally and generally did everything she could to make my life hell. I can't imagine how having a sibling to go through that with could have benefited me. Today people assume that I have siblings before ever asking me. No one understands the deep seeded hatred that I feel for her because she gets the "mental illness" label which means that she is beyond responsibility for her actions. Only a sibling could possibly understand.

[XX]

Being the only child with divorced parents must be terrible. In fact being children of parents who don't get along is terrible. And yes, although siblings can kind of huddle together, it could also be one of us kids who bring the parents to breaking point. It sounds crazy that "Depressed" was forced to live with her schizophrenic mom. Why was that? Why was it the mother's fault? Why didn't the father have custody?

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[onlyme]

I'm an only child and have a terrible time in relationships! The last two I've dated have both been only children also and it's been.......wheeeew..... ROUGH would be an HUGE understatement. I'm thinking I too need to look for someone older, they have also been younger which was a bad mistake I will not repeat. I definitely have some social phobias as well, but no one would ever know, b/c I think I fool people with my outgoing personality.

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[Miss Leo]

Only child checking in! I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately. I'm a single 28 year old female, only child as I mentioned. I've dated enough to know generally what I need from a relationship, and I don't think my being an only child makes it harder on the significant other. I do understand being selfish isn't relationship orientated, and getting my way - yes I do....but that's my personality NOT due to my upbringing. And lets admit - people who know what they want and will get it - doesn't necessarily mean only child either. I think more often than not only children are more complicated due to factors in their upbringing...but it doesn't fit for all of us.

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[Annie]

I have a sister 1 year younger than me. We both grew up with in a home with violence and no love. All our family members hate each other with the exception of me and her that share a nice bond. I was always grateful for have her around, and like someone above said: only a slibling can truly understand important things of your life because she/he lived through that as well.

Also, I think only children dont know the importance and comfort of having a slibling just because they never experienced that. But Im glad when I hear single children are having at least 2 children of their own, like trying to give their own children what they didnt have.