Only-Child Syndrome

WHINE

I won’t try to explain and or justify what I call the Lust/Child relationship. It’s childish at times and last night was one of those times. When we split we made rules of what we would and or wouldn’t do. Now, how we thought we were going to be able to enforce these rules is beyond me, but at the time of our very civil conversation we had reached some far fetched agreements.

Depending on whom you ask I broke first. I guess I didn’t really take all those rules so seriously and maybe interrupted them in my favor. I dunno, but the argument that it caused was retarded and we realized that there are no rules in which we could place on one another EXCEPT the neighborhood clause.

Lust has had the same wine bar for as long as I have known him. I have been there one time and actually before him and I ever met. There is no secret that this bar is his. I would never just at random show up there; actually I don’t think I’d ever go there at all. You can believe however should I ever need to step a foot in the bar, I’d call ahead. Again, this sounds silly but I understand and get having your Cheers.

This being said I was furious/upset/irrational depending on who you ask when I received an email saying that Lust had been in MY WINE BAR. I couldn’t even fathom how it is that he’d even felt right about being there. Again, this isn’t rational and I don’t expect anyone to think it is but this is a two way rule as silly as it sounds. What is HIS belongs to him and I’ve even scheduled things around places that I’d consider his haunts seeing as he lives in a pretty happening part of town. So again hearing him talk about MY wine bar, and having a late dinner at the restaurant that I told him about, the same one he took me to for my birthday totally upset me.

I emailed him exactly how upset I was, and yes I know that MY neighborhood is not one of his usual places although it is near his office, and had he been in any other place in my neighborhood I might have teased him a little and let it go. However, I put my foot down and drew the neighborhood line.

HE has HIS WINE BAR, and I have MY WINE BAR. I totally think mine is better so that helps, but I’m sure he’ll tell you his is great too. (He’s allowed to think whatever he wants; the cheese platter is proof enough that I’m right)

There isn’t any point to this story except for me to say MINE, MINE, and MINE!

The Fixxx (because he found a woman with her own cash)

There is NO way I could avoid posting this ...

Libra (Sept. 22-Oct. 22)
The brisk days and alcohol-fueled nights of midwinter may have you thinking wistfully (or lustfully) about romantic days gone by, perhaps culminating in a phone call or e-mail to a lost love. Mercury might motivate you to attempt contact with an ex, but be sure not to overshoot your boundaries: Even a planet can't keep you from making a fool out of yourself.

*sigh*

If I close my eyes it’s not hard to remember exactly what it felt like to have an open intimacy without fear of what the next morning was going to look like. I remember the touch, the feel, the moving forward and I remember having a love/hate relationship with it. There is nothing worse than knowing what is good for you, and also knowing that at the same time it can be so very bad for you. However, there is something to be said about ignorance and bliss and how lovely they go hand in hand. There are days that sometimes I wish I could go back to being that blind and encountering that much bliss even if it's fleeting.

The past few weeks have been rough and I have been fighting hard not to shut completely off from everyone and just checking out. I hate the way the way the X can throw me off my game, but reading the posts from the last time he surfaced has helped serve as a reminder of how badly I handled it, and how much damage it caused. How broken I felt. How out of control my actions and emotions were.  

The bright side is that I learned something from the last time. I’ve been taking care of myself so much better mentally this time around. I have avoided the acting out and then worrying about the fallout. I have just been taking care of me. Some days are a little rougher than the others, but at the end of the day I do actually remember the day. There is something to be said for that all on it's own.

The dark side of being mentally well is being told by someone with much more wisdom, and a PHD that the something you thought was good for you, might indeed be bad. This time there is no ignorance and bliss, there is no open intimacy. No, this time it feels closed off, strained and honestly I long more and more for ignorance; because the last time something was bad for me the ignorance provided plenty of bliss. 

BASTARDS!

more music charts

It's not even Friday yet ...

I don't know if I should know who Ashley Moore is, but I'll be honest I don't. I've found all the versions of this song by The Raconteurs which sounds totally different than this version but I still found myself enjoying them. However, throw in this girls voice and *swoon*. I couldn't find the real video so you'll have to suffer looking at whatever this is :)

Happy Skating!

Posting from School ....

In BCIS where they are going to teach me Vista (puke) and how to use Office 2007. Going to be a fun filled semester.

Saturday Class

It's Saturday, it's early and I'm awake! I am already starting to think this Saturday class @ 9am might have been more than I can handle. So much for Friday nights. Of course to make it ALLLLL better I have my trainer right after class. I'm going to need more than coffee to make it until nap time.

The Fixxx

I haven't had much time to write due to another wonderfully terrifying visit by my X. I have spent the week instead trying to just hold it together. This fix is kinda how I feel about my week, mixed with my feelings on my X. My life being somewhere close to beautiful, and him being ever so much the disaster.

The Fixxx

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