Only-Child Syndrome

It's only a job right?

Its sucks to leave a job that in one minute you can feel like you’ve made some headway, and leave totally in tears. Crying in parking lots, crying at the thought of the next day at work are not really the way I operate so the fact I find myself acting this way I have to stop and take inventory. These actions are exactly what my job has become to me. The place is worse than crack. The highs really high and the lows so low that I wonder at times how it is I will muster up the strength to go back the next day.

I’m at a crossroads where I need figure out exactly where I stand and either decides to move forward and do the job I know I’m capable of, and let everyone else go on about their way. I can on the other hand throw in the towel and move on. It isn’t in me to be a job hopper but if it looks like more bad days than good, well I’ve just worked t hard to be in a good place to let a job of all things take it away.

Right now I’m tired, I’m whiney and I’m full of emotion. I am hoping after 8 hours I will be more at ease and today’s stress will be yesterdays stress and tomorrow will be the new high. Only 8 hours and counting until we find out if that’s what the day will have in store…

 

It's only talking outloud ....

I’ve never hid the fact that I’m a fan of therapy. There is just something about letting out all the crap
you’ve been carrying around for years to make you feel just a little bit lighter.

I’ve been doing it for about a month now, and this time it’s much harder than it’s been before. Maybe because I’m not showing up to blab for an hour, but I’m working towards something; what that something is might be the tougher question. I really hate the childhood questions because I wonder which childhood she wants to know about. The happy one or the one that landed me on her couch, both very valid yet each so very separate to who I am today. In a box if you will and apparently that is my problem. The box that I keep myself in, away from anyone who might actually care about me and for what reason is as good as anyone’s guess.

This week’s homework is to tell someone I care about something about my life that makes me uncomfortable, but I don’t think she meant confessing something to my blog. I’m not sure it counts considering there is no way I can see the blogoshpere’s face or hear it’s voice to know if whatever makes me uncomfortable is really ok. That I am just as normal as anyone else, or at least I’m not crazier than anyone else.

I haven’t decided yet what I want to say, or to who but I’ll do it because before I left her office she dared me too. The fact she was smart enough to do that makes me think she’s probably the perfect therapist for me.

I also probably needed to talk today more than I really knew I needed to as well.

Work is stressful, relationships are tricky, and memories are just that, memories.

I needed someone to hear me out loud say that I understand the logic behind what in me needs to grow, to change. The facts are however that I don’t give a damn much when it comes to logic and emotion. I need to do what my instincts have always told me. When things get comfortable change, run. When things seem to good, they are and get out ahead of the disaster coming.

I wonder sometimes where I’d be in life if I didn’t run or push as soon as things seem to settle into
something worth being a part of. I wonder why it is I can’t relax, breathe and just enjoy. Why do I need complicated, tricky? I have no fucking idea but lets home I figure it out before I go broke one session at a time.

*STOMPS FEET*

Can't a girl just have what she wants just because she wants!

Creative Writing

Has simply sucked the life out of me ....
Right now I'm at 3000 words and have so much story to tell.
The self editing will be hard, but thank goodness for some of the people in my class as I actually care what they may think.
I thought I'd write fluff, something easy like a child hood memory for my first piece and instead have ended up somewhere dark and twisted.
Art imitating fiction maybe a bit, but with better prettier word and more creative plots. 
Ego aside it might actually be good.

we will see ..

Happy No-Versary !

SuperBowl Sunday always makes me giggle.