It has been a while since I’ve written anything that was for me. Something that wasn’t going to be graded and or discussed like I wasn’t in the room, although those things don’t bother me they don’t give me the satisfaction that writing like this with errors and all does. *see there is probably all kinds of errors in that last lil bit (won’t call it a sentence) and I don’t care because well you are the internet and not my professor*
Life has been interesting, hard, confusing and the only thoughts that I really had this morning is that Duke lost to Villanova and I wanted to do a victory dance is Wanderlust’s living room. It’s the little things that keep me going, instead of the big things like dropping out of math that keep me down.
Smitten and I are just that; smitten. I don’t even know where to begin except that we’ve now been to therapy together. OMG, no we aren’t breaking up. I swear if I get asked one more time what is wrong I’ll start making up all the reasons couples go to therapy like I dunno “I think he might be gay?”, or “I think maybe I’m gay?.”
No, all is well and the therapy is really just foundation in learning to communicate because while I can tell you everything you’ll ever need to know in a day or two, he needs time to think about it, mull it over and maybe he’ll actually figure out why he did or didn’t do what he said.
I know it was hard for him; I could see it as soon as he picked me up and could tell by the silence on the way home but last night we really talked about the session itself. (Note we’ve already started doing the things that were suggested as a way to learn even better communication skills) He said that he didn’t know it would be that hard, told his own therapist that even, and in return his therapist was impressed he even went.
If it’s been said once, it’s been said a million times he really cares about me and it shows when he does things that is so out of his norm. The hard part for me is that I always want more. It’s not that I want him to do more; it’s just that telling me a childhood story is not the same as sharing your life. I know I sound greedy, but I AM.
The more I get the more I want. I’m sorry folks it is, what it is. I don’t plan on changing that much in the way I don’t plan on changing. The simple fact/facts are that every time Kyle Busch EVER wins a race, or Duke EVER loses in the BIG DANCE I am going to want to do one helluva a victory dance in Lust’s living room, and that in itself make me … well ME.
However, the fact is I’ve grown enough and continue to grow and learn and even at times ACCEPT that it’s never going to be all my way. Also, as an FYI should it EVER be all about me the entire world should worry. I think I’d make Hillary look like Glenda the Good Witch.
No, I understand that life is about give and take, and right now I should be more worried about what I’ve been given instead of taking what I have not.
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