Only-Child Syndrome

Anxiety 101

Today I went and gave away a ton of money so that I can move in October. This is the most money I have ever committed to rent while living on my own, and I only broke out in hives, and hyperventilated once. I think that is some progress all in itself. The problem with finding a decent place is trying to figure out how to stay near the middle of the gym, school, and of course work. Throw in my OCD that says that I need to drive in a complete circle, and my location only makes sense.

The apartment staff is something alright, but it might all work in my favor. It was also humorous as the apartment I actually decided on, they technically received a check on earlier in the day but had yet to return with all the needed paperwork. So, in the end I WON. I’m excited about the move although I don’t know how exciting it is to move almost nothing into your new fabulous, apartment and know that you might not even be done furnishing it by the time your lease is up. Which brings to light a whole other situation in itself; as most of yesterday was spent bickering with Smitten.

I know that it’s really impossible to read someone’s mind, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to have it happen with me on regular bases. He kept giving me pro’s and con’s when all I really needed to hear from him was how long of a lease to sign. We have talked enough about the future to know that at some point we will co-habitat, and getting locked into a lease could effect when that might happen.  Of course the length of my lease is also no guarantee that at the end of it we will be ready either, but sometimes less is more. Once we finally got to the root of my frustration it made it quite clear he couldn’t read my mind. *sigh*

Besides the pending move which is about six weeks away, tickets to Denver have been purchased and I am SUPER excited! I mean I’m not a Bronco’s fan, but I am a football fan and I can totally appreciate the history and what not behind the stadium. Plus just sharing something that I know has been a part of his life forever is something all in its own. October will be a pretty busy month as well. Now I need to figure out school. I really am tempted to take only one class this semester to get caught up on everything else in my life. I think I may need to double up on my anxiety med’s at least until November rolls around and life takes a deep breath.

 

Sundays

Sundays in my mind are by far the worst day of the week to be single. You miss the morning coffee and paper, or brunch and mimosa buzz before noon. Mind you, those things can always be done alone but when done with the right person it makes it all that much better.

For a while Sundays were girls day, and that has picked up again. It’s Mexican food, and silly conversation. It’s good advice, bad ideas, and overall a weekend in review.

Sundays were a big weakness with Wanderlust. We had a very chill Sunday routine that allowed both of us to avoid the loneliness that Sundays can bring on. There was coffee, sports center, followed by a day of snacking and trash talking over NASCAR. It was anything but glamorous, but there is something to be said about a Sunday nap for no good reason. Throw in a my Kyle Busch victory dance and well you couldn’t go wrong.

Today Sunday was something new, and lovely. They were Sunday mimosas, underwear shopping in the gayborhood, and driving around looking at houses at random. There were discussions about bounce houses, and accents. There was lots of laughing, and smiling. Lots of smiling. I like the lots of smiling. It’s something to easily get used to.

Nerves ...

I had so much more that I wanted to say this weekend. Other things to write about, to ease the minds of those who are so concerned, but I’m not sure I’m ready to address the topics that would cover. So instead I’ll admit that I am up earlier than I planned and the nerves are a little over the top.

Starting over no matter how old, and how much better the start is still starting over. Today feels like the first day of school, and I’m worried about what to wear and whose table I’ll sit with at lunch. Silly, a little but nerve wracking none the less.

All I can really hope is that they don’t already have a cheerleader for the team, and the quarterback isn’t an ass much like the one in the town where I grew up. Sillier, hell yea, but maybe the high school spin will make the new work environment at least a little bit funny until I figure out how just how I fit with everyone else.

 

Today a door closes …

3 and a half years ends today, and even though it’s the best change that I could possible happen for me at this time in my life. I also am a little sad to say my goodbyes. I have learned so much in my time at my current company, and I learned so much more than just how an industry works. I grew up in so many ways in my time at my company, and learned in more ways than one how to stand on my own two feet thanks to a few wonderful people.

Today will be filled with mixed emotions, but at the end of the day I know that Monday will bring a day filled with new challenges.