I
feel bad when people Google “only child syndrome” and end up here of all
places. Not because I think my blog is bad, but because I don’t have any
answers in regards to what you do with an only child. This blog was started
because I have some of the classic symptoms of what an only child is, but as
with the first post of the blog I don’t think I am deficient. Today I was linked by This Blog and his reply to me was funny but it made me take a minute to think about what I have to say about only children as a whole. I will preface all of this as I am no expert, and can only use my own life and other only children I know as a litmus test of what the rest of the world of only children might be like.
So,
if I had any advice to give what would I say? How about quit stressing about
it, and raise a child that is respectful, polite and don’t give your only child
everything they ever wanted because I promise you someday it will come back to
haunt you.
What
might be most amusing is that I date a man who has a 12 year old only child. I
give him grief about the fact that I can almost pinpoint some of her every
moves. There has been many times in which I have said “told you so”. One of our
earlier conversations as we decided to become serious was would he ever be open
to adoption. The reason I asked was because in a very early conversation he
told me that him and his ex-wife only had one child so they could give the
child everything they wanted. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that
as long as you really don’t give your child everything they want. I stay away
from anything that might be considered parenting advice because I’m not a
parent, nor am I her parent. That doesn’t mean that I don’t on the other hand
tease him of what is to come. The other thing about his 12 year old is very
honestly I am scared to death to meet her. I know that might sound funny, but
if she was 6 it wouldn’t matter but I remember myself at 12. I remember my
parents being divorced, and I especially remember how awful I acted and
although I have no reason to believe that would be the case here; it doesn’t
mean that it hasn’t crossed my mind.
I
can tell you that I never, ever wanted siblings. It’s much in the way that I
don’t want to have a paternal child. It just never hit me as something that was
missing. If I have to be honest when BMOC came into my life as an adult I had a
very hard time adjusting to him and the attention my mom gave him. Now some of
that has to do with the fact that my mother didn’t do a lot of those things for
me because she wasn’t around, but some of it was also because she had always
just been my mom once we were back on track. BMOC has never lived with my mom,
but I will say that I was JEALOUS of him for quite some time. It wasn’t until
him and I formed our own relationship that I moved past it, and then pushed for
my parents to as involved in his life as they could because a lot of my
jealousy was based on things that I felt I didn’t get. So, yes I do have a
sibling but the age difference and the fact we have never lived together did nothing
to improve my only child ways.
The
moral of my story is that if you are an only child, there is nothing wrong with
you. You can find love and be happy no matter what. Take time to be
appreciative of the things you have and the people in your life. It has taken
me 30 years to find someone who loves me despite some of my horrible habits. I
say if it can happen for me, it can happen for anyone.
If
you are a parent of an only child I will REPEAT raise them to be the best they can be just
as you would do with any child no matter what the number. You really are the driving force and can either improve your only child or hinder them. Parenting is key to all children, but don't bitch 30 years later when your only child still thinks their birthday is a week long event. I can tell you that my parents have just come to accept it.
If
you are looking to date an only child, good luck. I won’t even begin to lie
about how that in itself is an art and it takes someone who is really not too
worried about sharing themselves while waiting patiently for the only child to
start to share as well. However if you stick around to when they get to the
sharing you’ve made it to the good part, because I refuse to believe that all
only children are incapable of loving anyone but themselves.