Only-Child Syndrome

My two cents ...

I feel bad when people Google “only child syndrome” and end up here of all places. Not because I think my blog is bad, but because I don’t have any answers in regards to what you do with an only child. This blog was started because I have some of the classic symptoms of what an only child is, but as with the first post of the blog I don’t think I am deficient. Today I was linked by This Blog and his reply to me was funny but it made me take a minute to think about what I have to say about only children as a whole. I will preface all of this as I am no expert, and can only use my own life and other only children I know as a litmus test of what the rest of the world of only children might be like. 

So, if I had any advice to give what would I say? How about quit stressing about it, and raise a child that is respectful, polite and don’t give your only child everything they ever wanted because I promise you someday it will come back to haunt you.

What might be most amusing is that I date a man who has a 12 year old only child. I give him grief about the fact that I can almost pinpoint some of her every moves. There has been many times in which I have said “told you so”. One of our earlier conversations as we decided to become serious was would he ever be open to adoption. The reason I asked was because in a very early conversation he told me that him and his ex-wife only had one child so they could give the child everything they wanted. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that as long as you really don’t give your child everything they want. I stay away from anything that might be considered parenting advice because I’m not a parent, nor am I her parent. That doesn’t mean that I don’t on the other hand tease him of what is to come. The other thing about his 12 year old is very honestly I am scared to death to meet her. I know that might sound funny, but if she was 6 it wouldn’t matter but I remember myself at 12. I remember my parents being divorced, and I especially remember how awful I acted and although I have no reason to believe that would be the case here; it doesn’t mean that it hasn’t crossed my mind.

I can tell you that I never, ever wanted siblings. It’s much in the way that I don’t want to have a paternal child. It just never hit me as something that was missing. If I have to be honest when BMOC came into my life as an adult I had a very hard time adjusting to him and the attention my mom gave him. Now some of that has to do with the fact that my mother didn’t do a lot of those things for me because she wasn’t around, but some of it was also because she had always just been my mom once we were back on track. BMOC has never lived with my mom, but I will say that I was JEALOUS of him for quite some time. It wasn’t until him and I formed our own relationship that I moved past it, and then pushed for my parents to as involved in his life as they could because a lot of my jealousy was based on things that I felt I didn’t get. So, yes I do have a sibling but the age difference and the fact we have never lived together did nothing to improve my only child ways.

The moral of my story is that if you are an only child, there is nothing wrong with you. You can find love and be happy no matter what. Take time to be appreciative of the things you have and the people in your life. It has taken me 30 years to find someone who loves me despite some of my horrible habits. I say if it can happen for me, it can happen for anyone.

If you are a parent of an only child I will REPEAT raise them to be the best they can be just as you would do with any child no matter what the number. You really are the driving force and can either improve your only child or hinder them. Parenting is key to all children, but don't bitch 30 years later when your only child still thinks their birthday is a week long event. I can tell you that my parents have just come to accept it.

If you are looking to date an only child, good luck. I won’t even begin to lie about how that in itself is an art and it takes someone who is really not too worried about sharing themselves while waiting patiently for the only child to start to share as well. However if you stick around to when they get to the sharing you’ve made it to the good part, because I refuse to believe that all only children are incapable of loving anyone but themselves.

 

If Science Says SO

When I decided I wanted to start this blog I wanted to make sure it had a good mix of humor, wit, and a little bit of fact. I have always joked about having only child syndrome, but only a few days ago after a very intense Google search did I find out that there is indeed a “condition” attached to being a single child. FINALLY, something that I could point to when the urge to strike someone for eating the last of MY snack, or something else extremely retarded made me rage on the inside. Oh yes, this whole scientific angle could be my scapegoat out of all the stereotyping. I mean LOOK, it’s not MY fault!

Then I stepped away from the keyboard, and got a hold of myself. In reading the passage below, it does say that there are indeed traits that only children may exude. Hell, even the best of the super parents might not be able to avoid it, but there is one thing that glared back at me. (go ahead read it, see if it sticks out to you as well)

Adler's theory

Alfred Adler (1870-1937), an Austrian psychiatrist and a contemporary of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, was another early theorist who believed that only children were deficient. He argued that birth order leaves an indelible impression on an individual's style of life - that is, the individual's habitual way of dealing with the tasks of friendship, love, and work. Adler believed that because only children have no rivals for their parents' affection, they may be pampered and spoiled by their parents, particularly the mother. He suggested that this could later cause interpersonal difficulties if the person is not universally liked and admired.[1]

Did you see it? … believed that only children were deficient 

GREAT, I finally get to use science to explain why it is that when someone drinks from my bottle of water that my head wants to explode only to find out that I might be “deficient” I can’t even begin to explain what joy this brought me. (Obvious sarcasm) I don’t think that I or any other single child is deficient. I call bullshit on that, and I’d say a lot worse things, but I happen to respect some of the names listed above

What do I think?

Well, I guess that’s what this blog is all about, what I think.